"Genocide memorials never get easier"

"Genocide memorials never get easier".

These were the first words I said to one of my friends after visiting the Srebrenica Site of Memory 2 weekends ago.

For those who do not know the story behind Srebrenica, I will give you a short recap. Srebrenica is a small town in eastern Bosnia, about 20 minutes or so from the Serbian border. During its time in Yugoslavia, Srebrenica was known throughout the republics for being the site of a healing spa and became very heavily visited from Yugoslavians all over who were looking to drink from its springs. When the Bosnian War started 18 years ago today (April 6, 1992), the towns in eastern Bosnia were some of the first to be hit. By 1993, the UN declared Srebrenica a "UN Safe Zone", placing Canadian soldiers at the town to protect it from the BSA (Bosnian Serb Army). Soon after, these Canadian soldiers were replaced with a Dutch battalion (Dutchbat) which remained in the town until their forced exit in July of 1995, which is the haunting month I will describe in greater detail.

During the week of July 8-15 1995, the BSA planned out, ordered, and successfully committed the deadliest act of ethnic cleansing and genocide that Europe has seen since the Holocaust. The day most well known by the international community and the official day of memory, July 11, was the day that thousands of refugees who had sought refuge within the fences of the UN Dutchbat compound (as well as the multiple thousands of others who were not allowed in by the UN) were forced out into the control of the BSA and then forced to separate into two lines: women, children and elderly, and men and older boys. The latter were never seen again. The current death toll of Muslim men and boys sits at around 8,000, but the numbers fluctuate and many bodies of those who lost their lives still remain hidden beneath the soil of Bosnia and Herzegovina. The general of the BSA who was the head of this operation, General Ratko Mladic, is still being hunted down by the international community but his political co-conspirator, Radovan Karadzic, was caught in the summer of 2008 and is now on trial at the Hague.

That was a very, VERY short summary of the atrocities that occurred, but it's important that you know this information before I begin speaking about why this particular memorial (which is located in an old cornfield across the street from the old Dutchbat headquarters) brings me to tears every time. Last summer, I attended the 14th commemoration ceremony on July 10-11 2009 with a group of Americans (and one Russian) from an NGO in the states. This trip was extremely intense for me because on these two days, thousands from around the world flock to this site of memory to pay their respects, lay to rest the bodies of loved ones, or sometimes (sadly enough) merely witness the media hooplah. On my first night there last summer, I had a cameraman stick his camera in my face and ask me if I understood English. The man thought I was a Bosnian woman because I was covered with a scarf and crying within the fences of the memorial. I could not even find the words to reply to him so I continued to cry and to my shock and horror, the man did not leave me alone. He continued to ask me questions and it took me having to say, "I'm American... now leave me alone!" to get him to go away. I was in a state of panic for about 48 hours as I watched women fainting by the caskets of their sons, fathers, and male members of their family... and all the while... cameramen and reporters shoving their equipment in their faces so they could "get the shot". 534 bodies were laid to rest that day and all I could think about was how on earth these international media groups felt like they were welcome to do the things they were doing while bodies were being laid to rest. They didn't belong there.

But wait... did I belong there either?

This is the question I have been dealing with since returning to Srebrenica for a second time 2 weekends ago. My group of 9 Americans were in Srebrenica for two nights/three days studying not only the genocide that occurred there, but also how the town is going through its own individual story of post-conflict transformation. When they hear the word Srebrenica, many people who are outsiders only think of genocide, ethnic cleansing, international community failure, and worst of all, hopelessness. The young people we met in Srebrenica are fighting daily to change this and prove that Srebrenica should not be defined solely on its past, but instead on what the town is doing now to rebuild and thrive as a community. The meetings I had with these youth were extremely important to my view of the town and they gave me hope... hope that I truly had not felt since leaving Srebrenica on July 11, 2009.

While I still have not completely answered my unnerving question of belonging, this second trip to Srebrenica was so incredibly important to the way I study not only Srebrenica, but post conflict transformation as a subject. I grew tremendously from this trip and am so happy I was able to meet the young people of Srebrenica who have a common goal of reuniting and rebuilding their beautiful town.