Ja sam zabrinuta.

Five days.

Five days until what, might you ask? Oh nothing... just the first draft of my FORTY PAGE INDEPENDENT STUDY PROJECT is due. How many pages do I have? FOUR. That's right... four, quatre, quatro, CETRI. Not good. While I have been delving myself into the personal observation section of my project on volunteerism in peacebuilding NGO's, which is volunteering for my case study NGO, CIM (how innovative, huh?), I must admit I have lost track of the actual writing portion of my paper. I know as a researcher and a student, you're not really supposed to "lose track" of things... but I'm human. It happens. I know my mother is shaking her head as she reads this but not to worry... the draft will get written. My friend Colby, who has some of the best productivity of anyone I know, is coming from Belgrade to stay with me starting Friday evening so I know with him around, I'll be forced to stay focused.

Let's see what shenanigans I have been up to... well... lots of things! I have been busy doing many activities for CIM. I nominated Vahidin for a peace prize. I actually would like to share with you my nomination piece. I think that it is very important for those who are interested in peacebuilding and reconciliatory work to learn from the best... and trust me... he is :-) :

Vahidin Omanovic plays many roles in his hometown of Sanski Most, Bosnia and Herzegovina. To begin, he is a son, husband, and father. He is a Muslim and received his Imam, Teacher, and Preacher Diploma in 1998. He is a teacher, having served as an instructor in primary and middle schools. He was a refugee during the Bosnian War, spending four years in refugee camps in Slovenia. These descriptors paint a beautiful picture of a strong and talented individual, but combined they create something very special - a peacebuilder.
As the director of the Center for Peacebuilding (CIM), Omanovic is a leading figure in peacebuilding and reconciliatory activity in Sanski Most and the surrounding areas. One of the most important activities implemented under his direction are the annual Peace Camps, which bring together participants from Serb, Croat, and Bosniak background. In these camps, participants deconstruct stereotypes, participate in dialogue, and develop skills in nonviolent communication and conflict resolution. Other activities include inter-religious dialogue sessions between the local leaders in Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox, and Muslim faiths and nonviolence training with schoolchildren and their teachers.
As an international volunteer who has worked with Vahidin and CIM both last summer and for a month during the spring of 2010, I can attest to the fact that the work CIM is doing has an extremely positive effect on both the town of Sanski Most and every participant in peace camps, nonviolence trainings, and inter-religious dialogue sessions. On a mere 10,000 dollar yearly budget, Vahidin is able to plan and conduct extremely fruitful and powerful activities that support the positive energy that peacebuilding brings to post-conflict societies. I know no better person to receive this prestigious honor. Thank you very much for your consideration.

That is just a small glimpse into the amazing people that surround me in this organization. Between Vahidin, Matt (my roommate and project coordinator at CIM), Vahidin's beautiful wife Timka, and the rest of the volunteers (yes... CIM runs with only volunteers... no one gets a salary at the present moment), I am constantly supported and guided through not only my research, but my growth personally while I'm in the picturesque northwestern town of Sanski Most, Bosnia and Hercegovina.

What I am finding through my research, however, is that I should be worried. It never ceases to amaze me how money is so dirty these days. Obviously I don't mean with germs... I mean with corruption and the mere hubris that accompanies CEO's and companies with the power to intimidate, demand, and overpower organizations that merely want enough money to make a difference in the world. In an organization like CIM, every dollar counts. As I said in my nomination for Vahidin, CIM literally survives off of 10,000 dollars per year, yet the organization is able to plan just as many, if not more, activities as many (I would argue most) small-scale peacebuilding NGO's in Bosnia and Hercegovina that are receiving more than double the funds from donors. What separates CIM from the rest? I'm biased, of course, but I will tell you flat out what does the trick- CIM knows its town, its people, and its goals. It makes the decision to not be pulled on strings like a marionette puppet by big international donors who want things done their way. International donors may have the money, but they do not know these people an these towns. I guarantee you that every big-time international donor would be unable to truly communicate with the people they are trying to serve in the local language (they would have to hire translators and/or hire people who know the language to be a messenger for them).

I received a wonderful little tidbit from one of my interviews with an international volunteer... if you don't spend the proper amount of time in a location or have the language skills to communicate properly, how can you possibly make a difference with peacebuilding? In a profession that is all about making personal connections and truly understanding a group of people and fully integrating into their society, both of these abilities are key and integral. Yes, I know that makes me a hypocrite since I only receive a month of time for my research, but it's important to note and I am not shy in saying that I cannot possibly make a difference in the 1 month I am here. I am, however, calmed by something Vahidin told me while I broke down in front of him last week, saying "How am I possibly of help in one month here, Vahidin? How can I possibly do any good??" His response- "Just being here makes a difference".

Regardless, my research will go on, and i will remain zabrinuta (worried), but I will keep that little powerful phrase from Vahidin in the back of my head and keep telling myself "I can make a difference". How else will I survive the painstaking work that is peacebuilding??? Good question.