The Life of a Budding Peacebuilder: Reflections from around the World and from Within

How Liberal is Tel Aviv?

2012-01-22T15:20:00.001-05:00

For my first couple of days in Israel, I spent my time in Tel Aviv, taking in the city and visiting my friend from college. I’m actually quite a fan of Tel Aviv. I’m not a city girl- tall buildings and packed streets are not a version of fun for me- but this city appeals to me. First, the beach is gorgeous. It was early January while I was there; however, the beachfront was still bustling with old men playing backgammon and middle-aged Tel Avivi women with their children in tow strolling in the sand. Another thing I loved was the cuisine. While I noticed that a lot of Israeli cuisine is heavily influenced by cuisines of other cultures, it seemed to have a flair all its own. It’s an expensive city, but it’s beautiful.

It would not be appropriate for me to hold back, however, my reflections from conversations with a few Israelis from my flight over. On the flight from Madrid to Tel Aviv, I was approached by two gentlemen who had seen me reading and taking notes in a book I was analyzing for class. I knew it was risky to read a book called “Israel/Palestine” on a flight to Tel Aviv; however, I had to get the reading done. It was interesting, all on its own, how they originally approached me. First, through my peripheral vision, I noticed the young man sitting next to me carefully examining my book. At first, it was a simple glance, but after glance #4, he seemed entranced by the words on the page, As I turned to look at him and smile, I saw him motion for his friend, two seats over from our row, to come over towards us. Startled, worried that the men may not agree with the title of the book, I slammed the book shut… but the curiosity had already been sparked.

“What are you reading?”

I looked up to find the young man’s friend towering over me, which was easy to do since I was sitting in the front of the plane. I laughed tensely,

“A book for a class I’m taking.”
“Israel… AND Palestine. Interesting wording.” He winked.
“I’m studying the conflict. It’s important to have the whole view.”

I held my breath, trying to gauge via non-verbal communication what was going through his mind. Chuckling, he leaned forward and patted me on the shoulder, “Don’t worry- you’re American. Israelis have to like you. Americans fund our country!” and with a chuckle, he continued- “Welcome to Israel… you’ll love Tel Aviv. It’s liberal… we accept everyone here. You’ll like it, I think.”

At first, I smiled and exhaled, relieved that the man wasn’t going to argue with me; but after a few seconds, I realized just how loaded his response was. In my mind, as he began describing Tel Aviv and his travels, I started to pull apart his sentence. First- “Don’t worry- you’re American. Israelis have to like you.” Wow. Of course, there’s the stereotype that follows me by being American. World police. Sticking our noses in everyone’s conflicts. Then, “Americans fund our country!” No doubt there. He put a jovial tone to a depressing fact… not very conducive to my conflict resolution studies… or my feeling of guilt as an American whose administration, whom I voted for, was funding weapons and military operations that continue to oppress the Palestinian people. Moving on… “You’ll love Tel Aviv. It’s liberal… we accept everyone here. You’ll like it, I think.” WOW. He connected the fact that I’m studying Palestine as well as Israel to the assumption that I’ll only like cities deemed “liberal” in his opinion. This can’t be good. Instead of opening a can of worms (well, I’m opening one by posting this on my blog, but I’ll deal with those consequences later), I replied,

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Fast forward three hours later. My friend and I had arrived in Tel Aviv and had met a friend from my college for dinner. Looking around, my friend re-emphasized what the man on the plane had said to me- Tel Aviv is Israel’s most liberal city. She discussed the Ethiopian and Sudanese refugees, Jews who fled to the city after realizing how dangerous their home countries were. She explained to us how the government has provided them social services, helped them to find work, and given them refugee status. “This certainly is great”, I replied, as I continued to people watch from the promenade down which we were strolling, but suddenly, a silent thought crossed my mind:

“…but where are the Palestinians?”

Starting the Journey: Reflective Practice in Israel and Palestine

2012-01-10T07:43:00.003-05:00

Written on 12/28/11, edited on 1/10/12

As a peacebuilder, I am in a constant state of analysis. This analysis normally is on a micro-level, therefore often leading me to delve into the inner workings of the people who reside in a country, city, or region. A person’s construction of their identity, through a description of the past, self-reflection of the present, and prediction of the future, is integral to this analysis. The way a person constructs their identity, in my opinion, is very often connected in this very triangle of past, present, and future. From the past, I often find people emphasize trauma, victory, and progression forward or backward. In the present, I usually see that people yearn for legitimacy and “completeness” in the world… if that makes any sense at all (as you can see, I’m still working out the kinks of my logic). As for the future, I normally witness people continue with the trend of legitimacy, but usually this legitimacy is seen on a broader scale instead of an introspective one as the person creates a place for their group in the future, therefore validating the group’s presence in years to come. For a human, self-preservation is often at the very core of such an identity. Every time I visit a new country, city, or group of people for the first time, I find myself attempting to create webs of connections so as to paint as detailed of a picture as I possibly can of the narratives of the people in that particular area. For me, narratives are the stories and explanations that create the identity I described above.

For the next few weeks, I will be traveling abroad, both as a world explorer and as a peacebuilder. My first stop is Madrid, Spain, where I will be bringing in the New Year with a friend of mine and enjoying Spanish cuisine, art, and culture for a few days. Then, on January 4th, I begin my trek eastward to Tel Aviv, Israel for 2 days of sightseeing. Finally, I’m off to Jerusalem where I will be participating in a course offered by my Master’s Program, The School for Conflict Analysis and Resolution, on Reflective Practice. I will be visiting Bethlehem, Ramallah, the Old City, West and East Jerusalem, and maybe even Haifa and/or Hebron if I find the time.

The next few weeks are bound to be a whirlwind, but I wouldn’t be who I am if I wasn’t yearning for new experiences, diverse places to visit and help build peace, and new opportunities to grow, not only as a woman who is constantly trying to create an identity for herself but also as a peacebuilder whose sincere desire is to help as many people as she possibly can before she leaves this Earth.

So off I go… :)

Third Time's a Charm

2011-07-15T20:07:00.010-04:00

I apologize to all my readers for not posting while I was in-country: being a program assistant is a hectic job. I found myself at the end of every day attempting to sit down and write something in my blog but to no avail. Every moment I spend in Bosnia is filled with a plethora of emotion and my words cannot do my time here justice; however, I will attempt over the next few days to group my trip into a few sub-sections of blog posts. Please bear with me as I attempt to write down my experiences and share them with you all. In the meantime, here are some pictures of my time in Bosnia and Herzegovina for the past few weeks:

A Love Note to a Beautiful Country

2011-07-15T19:52:00.005-04:00

Originally written on June 21, 2011

Oh, Bosnia and Herzegovina. How you take my breath away every time I step foot on your unique, fertile, historic, and war torn soil. You have given me so much since I first arrived during the summer of 2009: academic passion, trauma healing, a mentor without whom I would not be who I am today, and a second chance to create the life I have always wanted. You never cease to amaze me- from your rolling, forest green hills to your crystal clear rivers, I am captivated by your beauty.

I arrive with a heart full of hope- hope for personal growth, hope for strength, hope for a summer filled with new memories and friends, and who knows... maybe Bosnia will surprise me with something even more? The next three weeks will be hectic, emotional, and life changing, but I'm up for the task- as long as you, Bosnia, stay by my side. You have a special place in my heart and I will never stop loving you.

My Life Before

2011-06-09T00:22:00.003-04:00

It has been an entire year since I last wrote on my blog so I decided that not only would I return to it, but I would also revamp my blog. I have decided that my story need not begin and end with my study abroad experience; instead, it should delve into my entire journey. There's no way in hell that anyone will understand how I got to where I am today if I don't tell them the background story, right? Well... here goes (I apologize for the length of this post, but I hold nothing back):

I will start with high school. I went to a private school in Newport News, Virginia called Hampton Roads Academy. When I was there, it was a fantastic school. I developed excellent critical thinking skills, discovered my niche for narrative nonfiction writing, and unearthed my passion for choral music. I swam competitively, A LOT, and found myself in love with the study of politics, government, and French. I dipped my toes into every extracurricular club I could think of and participated as wholeheartedly and passionately as I could. If you knew me in high school, you probably either thought I was incredibly ambitious or simply crazy. For the first two years of high school, I made sure my academics were impeccable and my swimming, though a struggle from time to time, maintained its strength. Junior year was a struggle with my swimming but I held on for dear life while my academics remained stable. Then came senior year...

After months of deliberation, I did something very "Tyler" (aka- bold and stubborn)- I put all my eggs in one basket and applied early decision to Wellesley College. Yes, I did apply to other schools, but my heart and soul wanted to be a Wellesley Woman. Hillary Clinton was (and still is) my role model and I wanted to follow in her footsteps. Their swim team was exactly the type of team I needed- Division III but competitive in their regional division and I would be one of their top 1650 freestylers. Their choir was also awesome and I could take voice lessons without being a music major. A match made in heaven. While waiting for the response, however, my life started to unravel. It was gradual- I gained a little weight, started struggling during swim practice, began having increasing amounts of trouble with my asthma and lungs, and received grades I was unhappy with in Honors Calculus. My singing voice was beginning to diminish and crack and so I began speech therapy to save my vocal chords. I started seeing a psychologist. Separately, these hurdles are surmountable. Together, however, they are much more daunting. By what I still consider a miracle, I received my letter of acceptance from Wellesley College in mid-December.

Second semester, though a blur to me now, was the most painful semester I had ever experienced by that point. I quit swimming completely by early March due to many things, but the short version is this: I burned out. I stopped dropping time in my events, I kept having asthma attacks, and I simply stopped loving it. I discontinued my therapy because I wasn't seeing the results I wanted and I gained about thirty pounds. My once lean, muscular, swimmers body had turned into a cocoon of self-doubt and shame. When I graduated from high school, I was a person who I did not recognize at all.

By the time I reached Wellesley, I weighed about 185 pounds, a significant difference from the 150 pound Tyler that was smiling in her graduation photos at the beginning of senior year of high school. I was in Massachusetts, didn't know a soul, and was unprepared for swimming tryouts due to a summer of inadequate preparation. I made it through a week of tryouts before I realized my asthma and the extra 35 pounds I was carrying through the water were going to keep me off the team. Defeated and embarrassed, I decided to stick with the group I did get into, the Wellesley College Choir, and move towards my goal of a double major in Political Science and French. The semester was difficult: I was in and out of the hospital, first with asthma issues and second with a broken bone (two toes). I was doing terribly in Calculus and was continuing to gain weight as I took advantage of the daylong availability of food in the dining halls. I ate to forget how lost I was, I ate to pass the time, hell, I ate because I had nothing else to do. Second semester was even worse: another broken bone (this time my hand), a trip to the emergency room while on tour with the choir in Florida, and two medically excused incompletes when my classes fell prey to my multiple absences due to my worsening asthma.

Sophomore year was marginally better academically, but I got bronchitis four times in the matter of 5 months, broke yet another bone (finger), and by December, my weight was officially 238 pounds, a 53 pound gain from the beginning of my freshman year. Although I was determined to spend my junior year abroad in Aix-en-Provence with Wellesley's program there, by the end of sophomore year, I was told that due to my sinking grades in my French classes due to my multiple health related absences, I would be unable to attend. I was rejected from EVERY internship I applied to and returned home in mid-May completely crushed and lost. After exhausting all other options, I decided to go out of my comfort zone and consider an opportunity that was definitely not within my Political Science/French double major- a three-week peacebuilding and human rights delegation to Bosnia and Herzegovina. Long story short, I was accepted, left for Bosnia a month later, and found myself in love with the study of post conflict development in the former Yugoslavia. When I returned to the US to start summer school at Wellesley, I immediately set up an appointment with my now major advisor Larry Rosenwald, and by the beginning of my junior year, I switched from a French major to a Peace and Justice Studies major.

Junior year was incredibly difficult, but in the most satisfying of ways. I had brought my weight down a tad to 221 pounds (a 17 pound difference from 8 months prior), stacked my schedule with peace and justice studies courses, and applied and was accepted to study abroad in the spring of my junior year with the School for International Training's Peace and Conflict in the Balkans program, but not after I was accepted to Global Youth Connect's (the NGO that took me to Bosnia) Human Rights Delegation to Rwanda in the winter of my junior year. I had never been that busy in my entire life, but I also had never been that happy since my sophomore year of high school. This brings me to the beginning of my blog posts where I begin with the description of my study abroad experience in Croatia, Serbia, and Bosnia.

Although a tad lengthy, I hope this gives you an adequate background to the life I was living prior to my senior year of college. I have just now started to realize the power of self-creation and I'm taking advantage of every second I am breathing to continue down the right path for me. Stay tuned for my next blog post about my upcoming travels and plans for the fall of 2011.

Peace Camp

2010-06-05T15:55:00.001-04:00

As I sit on the train from Prijedor to Zagreb, I am doing everything in my power to keep myself from crying. Getting on the train without Vahidin, Timka, and Ali was like having my heart ripped out (now I know that I have never had my heart ripped out but this is not a feeling I would like to experience again). I don’t know all the reasons why, but Bosnia does something to me… something special. It brings out the best in me and forces me to reconcile with the worst in me all at the same time. Last summer, I did not stop crying from the moment I got on my plane in Sarajevo to the moment I landed in Munich to catch my flight connection home. I have a feeling my flight from Zagreb to Munich will be very similar.

Well… on to more uplifting things… like PEACE CAMP. Peace camp sounds like hearts and smileys, right? It’s not. It is 6 days of intense education in the art of non-violent conflict resolution… something that this world needs a lot more of these days. We started with topics like identity, stereotype, and prejudice, moved to active listening and emotions like fear and anger, and ended with dialogue, reconciliation, and creation of our own plans for spreading our knowledge to others. With the perfect mix of games, activities, dialogue, and self-reflection and assignments, Peace Camp has taught me more in 6 days than I could have learned in a semester at school. Now, I’m not saying that what I’m learning at school is not good, because all of my courses in Peace and Justice Studies at Wellesley have been stellar, but Peace Camp is extremely unique. I was given the opportunity to be surrounded by Croats, Serbs, and Bosniaks who all experienced the pain of war… an opportunity I could not possibly get in the States or in a classroom. I practiced speaking in Bosnian all day, was aided (via translating) in leading a workshop on active listening, and finally decided I had found a safe enough space to discuss the deepest, darkest parts of me. The special thing- none of them judged me. In the States, I find myself often feeling the need to make reasons (and sometimes excuses) for being the way I am. At Peace Camp, where it could have been so easy to identify and therefore judge me as an American or foreigner, I was given a clean slate with which I could write my own story, where my nationality did not determine how I should or should not act. For one participant, I was the first American he had ever met. That always worries me because I feel like I have to make an even better first impression, and after the camp was over, he told me, “You are wonderful.” That alone made my eyes fill up with tears. I hope they know how special and beautiful they are, and what a positive impact they had on my life.

On that note, I will end with a few lyrics from the song “For Good” from the musical Wicked, because there are some sections of this song that apply to my fantastic new friends Mirha, Elhimana, Dinka, and Esada, as well as the other amazing participants in the 2010 Mirovni Kamp (Peace Camp). Volim te puno… Nadam se da ja cu ti vidjeti uskoro:

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return. Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you.”

“It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part- so much of me is made of what I learned from you. You’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.”

“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better, I do believe I have been changed for the better, and because I knew you…

I have been changed for good.”

All done!

2010-05-22T07:55:00.002-04:00

As I sit in the hotel lobby of my hotel on the island of Krk, it's just now hitting me that my study abroad program is over. Wow. Almost four months have passed since I was last in the United States but I feel like everything flew by so fast. This past week has been spent on this island off the coast of Croatia doing presentations on research, presentations on photos taken during our Independent Study Project time period, and laying on the rocks by the Adriatic. Eerily enough, however, I am actually feeling very restless. For the first time in weeks, I do not need to write a paper, do an interview, or go on a coffee date. I actually wish, however, that I had something to keep me busy before I leave for Sanski Most tomorrow.

Speaking of which, I am SO EXCITED! I get to return to my favorite place in the Balkans and attend Peace Camp, an annual camp put on by the Center for Peacebuilding, the organization that I have been volunteering for during the past month. I have wanted to help out at Peace Camp since I first met the organization last summer, and finally, the time has come. I cannot think of anything more fulfilling for me than a day filled with dialogue, intercultural learning, and peacebuilding. I will most likely not have any internet for the week that I am there; however, you will see me soon! I return to the States on June 6, only to return to Europe again on July 17th for a month long summer school in Austria.

Well, must go. I need to soak up as many rays as possible before I leave for Zagreb in about 2 hours. Vidimo se uskoro (see you soon) :-)

Home Stretch

2010-05-12T04:36:00.002-04:00

I cannot believe I am in my last week of my ISP here in Sanski Most! It went by so quickly and now, all of a sudden, I have a 35 page paper and a whole lot of editing to do! My volunteering has been so amazing and reminds me why I love doing work at the grassroots level. On Monday, I taught an English language class with four 7-8 year olds who literally don't know any English. I barely know Bosnian, I mean BARELY, and we still had the time of our lives. Playing "Simon Says" while learning the parts of the body works for kids of all ages and I certainly learned just as much as they did (I mean, who else in my study abroad program is going to know the words for hip, waist, and shoulder in Bosnian???). Those are the times when I feel truly blessed to be in the position I am in- where I can fill in for my organization and help wherever I can and truly make a difference in the lives of 4 Bosnian children for a day.

Sad thing is... I'm sick. Not just any sick, either... pretty sure I am on the road to bronchitis. When I was younger I used to get bronchitis all the time, but it has actually been about 1 1/2 years since I last got bronchitis. It would be a little easier to bear if I was staying in one place while I was trying to get better but in the next week, I will be doing more traveling than ever on this entire trip. On Monday, I return to Zagreb. Tuesday, I go with my group to the island of Krk in Croatia. Next Saturday, I return to Zagreb. Next Sunday, I travel back to Sanski Most. 4-5 days after that, I travel to CIM's Peace Camp location for a week of Peace Camp. After that week of Peace Camp, I travel to Zagreb and fly home the day after that. Point is- I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO GET SICK.

Well... this entry will be short because I need to go weed the garden outside of CIM and get ready to plant some flowers tomorrow. I also need to make a lesson plan for English class. I also need to finish the smaller sections of my paper. Uh oh. This is going to be a long day.

Ja sam zabrinuta.

2010-05-03T18:37:00.002-04:00

Five days.

Five days until what, might you ask? Oh nothing... just the first draft of my FORTY PAGE INDEPENDENT STUDY PROJECT is due. How many pages do I have? FOUR. That's right... four, quatre, quatro, CETRI. Not good. While I have been delving myself into the personal observation section of my project on volunteerism in peacebuilding NGO's, which is volunteering for my case study NGO, CIM (how innovative, huh?), I must admit I have lost track of the actual writing portion of my paper. I know as a researcher and a student, you're not really supposed to "lose track" of things... but I'm human. It happens. I know my mother is shaking her head as she reads this but not to worry... the draft will get written. My friend Colby, who has some of the best productivity of anyone I know, is coming from Belgrade to stay with me starting Friday evening so I know with him around, I'll be forced to stay focused.

Let's see what shenanigans I have been up to... well... lots of things! I have been busy doing many activities for CIM. I nominated Vahidin for a peace prize. I actually would like to share with you my nomination piece. I think that it is very important for those who are interested in peacebuilding and reconciliatory work to learn from the best... and trust me... he is :-) :

Vahidin Omanovic plays many roles in his hometown of Sanski Most, Bosnia and Herzegovina. To begin, he is a son, husband, and father. He is a Muslim and received his Imam, Teacher, and Preacher Diploma in 1998. He is a teacher, having served as an instructor in primary and middle schools. He was a refugee during the Bosnian War, spending four years in refugee camps in Slovenia. These descriptors paint a beautiful picture of a strong and talented individual, but combined they create something very special - a peacebuilder.
As the director of the Center for Peacebuilding (CIM), Omanovic is a leading figure in peacebuilding and reconciliatory activity in Sanski Most and the surrounding areas. One of the most important activities implemented under his direction are the annual Peace Camps, which bring together participants from Serb, Croat, and Bosniak background. In these camps, participants deconstruct stereotypes, participate in dialogue, and develop skills in nonviolent communication and conflict resolution. Other activities include inter-religious dialogue sessions between the local leaders in Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox, and Muslim faiths and nonviolence training with schoolchildren and their teachers.
As an international volunteer who has worked with Vahidin and CIM both last summer and for a month during the spring of 2010, I can attest to the fact that the work CIM is doing has an extremely positive effect on both the town of Sanski Most and every participant in peace camps, nonviolence trainings, and inter-religious dialogue sessions. On a mere 10,000 dollar yearly budget, Vahidin is able to plan and conduct extremely fruitful and powerful activities that support the positive energy that peacebuilding brings to post-conflict societies. I know no better person to receive this prestigious honor. Thank you very much for your consideration.

That is just a small glimpse into the amazing people that surround me in this organization. Between Vahidin, Matt (my roommate and project coordinator at CIM), Vahidin's beautiful wife Timka, and the rest of the volunteers (yes... CIM runs with only volunteers... no one gets a salary at the present moment), I am constantly supported and guided through not only my research, but my growth personally while I'm in the picturesque northwestern town of Sanski Most, Bosnia and Hercegovina.

What I am finding through my research, however, is that I should be worried. It never ceases to amaze me how money is so dirty these days. Obviously I don't mean with germs... I mean with corruption and the mere hubris that accompanies CEO's and companies with the power to intimidate, demand, and overpower organizations that merely want enough money to make a difference in the world. In an organization like CIM, every dollar counts. As I said in my nomination for Vahidin, CIM literally survives off of 10,000 dollars per year, yet the organization is able to plan just as many, if not more, activities as many (I would argue most) small-scale peacebuilding NGO's in Bosnia and Hercegovina that are receiving more than double the funds from donors. What separates CIM from the rest? I'm biased, of course, but I will tell you flat out what does the trick- CIM knows its town, its people, and its goals. It makes the decision to not be pulled on strings like a marionette puppet by big international donors who want things done their way. International donors may have the money, but they do not know these people an these towns. I guarantee you that every big-time international donor would be unable to truly communicate with the people they are trying to serve in the local language (they would have to hire translators and/or hire people who know the language to be a messenger for them).

I received a wonderful little tidbit from one of my interviews with an international volunteer... if you don't spend the proper amount of time in a location or have the language skills to communicate properly, how can you possibly make a difference with peacebuilding? In a profession that is all about making personal connections and truly understanding a group of people and fully integrating into their society, both of these abilities are key and integral. Yes, I know that makes me a hypocrite since I only receive a month of time for my research, but it's important to note and I am not shy in saying that I cannot possibly make a difference in the 1 month I am here. I am, however, calmed by something Vahidin told me while I broke down in front of him last week, saying "How am I possibly of help in one month here, Vahidin? How can I possibly do any good??" His response- "Just being here makes a difference".

Regardless, my research will go on, and i will remain zabrinuta (worried), but I will keep that little powerful phrase from Vahidin in the back of my head and keep telling myself "I can make a difference". How else will I survive the painstaking work that is peacebuilding??? Good question.

"Naš put je mir"

2010-04-21T06:15:00.002-04:00

It’s hard to describe what the town of Sanski Most does to me. Every time I enter this beautiful rural Bosnian town… my heartbeat slows, my mind is quiet, and my body is at ease. Coming back to this town reminds me so much of my neighborhood at home because of the sense of community. Although there are internal dynamics to any town that an outsider will never fully understand, Sanski Most has been the most hospitable and caring community that I have ever entered for any period of time. My friends here remain some of the most loyal people I know; they always are willing and able to help me when I am in a bind and they always include me in whatever they are planning. I have a feeling that soon they will get tougher on me with the Bosnian language, but as of now, they are wonderful translators when I begin to lose my footing in the conversation.

Sanski Most is also the home of the Center for Peacebuilding, or CIM in the local language. My heart lies in this NGO, and has since last summer when I first traveled to Sanski Most. Their motto is "Naš put je mir" (our way is peace). Simple yet powerful. I have used this phrase in so many aspects of my life, from academics to friendships to merely growing up. The people that put their time and energy into CIM are some of the most amazing people I know. I look up to them and have made it my goal to help them in any way possible. If I had my way, I would stay here... but sadly I need to graduate college first haha.

I haven’t started any work on my Independent Study Project yet, mainly because it takes about 2 days to get truly settled into your surroundings, at least for me. Caitlin (my friend who is also doing her ISP in Sanski Most) and I made a massive run to Konzum (Bosnian grocery store) to pick up a TON of groceries, put all of our belongings away in our beautiful apartment in the center of town, and went out for drinks with some of our new Bosnian friends, some of whom already knew me and/or Matt (our other roommate and fellow Center for Peacebuilding volunteer). Going out for drinks = networking ☺

Well… I’m currently out on the balcony, enjoying some natural heat and the beautiful Bosnian landscape around me. I’m going to use this day to prepare myself for the next four weeks to come. To be honest, I’m terrified of the work not getting done but I’m pretty sure that Vahidin won’t let that happen. Today, I’m just going to enjoy the peace that’s around me.

Sretan Put! (Have a good trip!)

2010-04-15T17:16:00.002-04:00

I made it. I successfully finished a 7 page paper, took and oral and written Croatian language exam, and submitted and got approved an 8 page Independent Study Project Proposal... all in three days. I must admit, on Thursday night I actually thought I was going to collapse, but I survived! I could not be any happier with my progress in this program. I have learned so much and am so proud of myself because I have learned quite a bit of Croatian and Serbian in the 2 1/2 months I've been in the region.

The past week has been spent back in Zagreb, Croatia. Our goal- prepare ourselves for the one month of interviews, literature review, observation, and paper writing that comes with the monstrous Independent Study Project. My topic is very well explained in my title, which I will post below:

"Our Way is Peace": The Role of Volunteers in Peacekeeping NGO's
Case Study: The Center for Peacebuilding in Sanski Most, Bosnia and Herzegovina

As of right now, I have a 1 1/2 page intro, my methodology (a mix of interviews, volunteering/observation, and literature review), my timeline, and my interview questions so I'm well on my way to beginning this paper. The only thing I need to do is get to my field site: Sanski Most. Solution- I leave tomorrow :-)

I will share with you that I am extremely nervous. I don't know if it is just me, because frankly all my friends seem so excited, but although I am so overwhelmed with joy that I get to return to the town that made me fall in love with Bosnia, I am terrified at the same time. I've never been good at being calm. I am a very anxious person when it comes to my work, especially when the work is extremely personal. My ISP is going to force me to look at my own volunteering activity and wonder if I'm doing more harm than good when I participate as a short term international volunteer. Where do I fit into these NGO's that I attempt to help? It's a tough question and I have a feeling that the answer I will find after my research will burn a little on my conscience.

Well... it's 11pm and I need to get my rest (because last night I only slept two hours). I do not know what my internet will be like in Sanski Most but I will be sure to get a blog out as soon as I can.

Love and miss all of you. Remember I love getting e-mails from friends- tyler.branscome@gmail.com

<3

"Genocide memorials never get easier"

2010-04-06T06:21:00.005-04:00

"Genocide memorials never get easier".

These were the first words I said to one of my friends after visiting the Srebrenica Site of Memory 2 weekends ago.

For those who do not know the story behind Srebrenica, I will give you a short recap. Srebrenica is a small town in eastern Bosnia, about 20 minutes or so from the Serbian border. During its time in Yugoslavia, Srebrenica was known throughout the republics for being the site of a healing spa and became very heavily visited from Yugoslavians all over who were looking to drink from its springs. When the Bosnian War started 18 years ago today (April 6, 1992), the towns in eastern Bosnia were some of the first to be hit. By 1993, the UN declared Srebrenica a "UN Safe Zone", placing Canadian soldiers at the town to protect it from the BSA (Bosnian Serb Army). Soon after, these Canadian soldiers were replaced with a Dutch battalion (Dutchbat) which remained in the town until their forced exit in July of 1995, which is the haunting month I will describe in greater detail.

During the week of July 8-15 1995, the BSA planned out, ordered, and successfully committed the deadliest act of ethnic cleansing and genocide that Europe has seen since the Holocaust. The day most well known by the international community and the official day of memory, July 11, was the day that thousands of refugees who had sought refuge within the fences of the UN Dutchbat compound (as well as the multiple thousands of others who were not allowed in by the UN) were forced out into the control of the BSA and then forced to separate into two lines: women, children and elderly, and men and older boys. The latter were never seen again. The current death toll of Muslim men and boys sits at around 8,000, but the numbers fluctuate and many bodies of those who lost their lives still remain hidden beneath the soil of Bosnia and Herzegovina. The general of the BSA who was the head of this operation, General Ratko Mladic, is still being hunted down by the international community but his political co-conspirator, Radovan Karadzic, was caught in the summer of 2008 and is now on trial at the Hague.

That was a very, VERY short summary of the atrocities that occurred, but it's important that you know this information before I begin speaking about why this particular memorial (which is located in an old cornfield across the street from the old Dutchbat headquarters) brings me to tears every time. Last summer, I attended the 14th commemoration ceremony on July 10-11 2009 with a group of Americans (and one Russian) from an NGO in the states. This trip was extremely intense for me because on these two days, thousands from around the world flock to this site of memory to pay their respects, lay to rest the bodies of loved ones, or sometimes (sadly enough) merely witness the media hooplah. On my first night there last summer, I had a cameraman stick his camera in my face and ask me if I understood English. The man thought I was a Bosnian woman because I was covered with a scarf and crying within the fences of the memorial. I could not even find the words to reply to him so I continued to cry and to my shock and horror, the man did not leave me alone. He continued to ask me questions and it took me having to say, "I'm American... now leave me alone!" to get him to go away. I was in a state of panic for about 48 hours as I watched women fainting by the caskets of their sons, fathers, and male members of their family... and all the while... cameramen and reporters shoving their equipment in their faces so they could "get the shot". 534 bodies were laid to rest that day and all I could think about was how on earth these international media groups felt like they were welcome to do the things they were doing while bodies were being laid to rest. They didn't belong there.

But wait... did I belong there either?

This is the question I have been dealing with since returning to Srebrenica for a second time 2 weekends ago. My group of 9 Americans were in Srebrenica for two nights/three days studying not only the genocide that occurred there, but also how the town is going through its own individual story of post-conflict transformation. When they hear the word Srebrenica, many people who are outsiders only think of genocide, ethnic cleansing, international community failure, and worst of all, hopelessness. The young people we met in Srebrenica are fighting daily to change this and prove that Srebrenica should not be defined solely on its past, but instead on what the town is doing now to rebuild and thrive as a community. The meetings I had with these youth were extremely important to my view of the town and they gave me hope... hope that I truly had not felt since leaving Srebrenica on July 11, 2009.

While I still have not completely answered my unnerving question of belonging, this second trip to Srebrenica was so incredibly important to the way I study not only Srebrenica, but post conflict transformation as a subject. I grew tremendously from this trip and am so happy I was able to meet the young people of Srebrenica who have a common goal of reuniting and rebuilding their beautiful town.

Bosna, ljubavi moja

2010-03-26T08:38:00.003-04:00

Yikes- I'm getting behind on my weekly blogs! I apologize for the delay and will try to describe everything as efficiently and beautifully as possible.

So... where were we? Ah yes, week two of Serbia. This week was a lot better than the first week, I must admit. I started to get a feel for the city, which for a non-city girl like me normally takes weeks to do. I stopped getting lost, the weather got better, and I started finding some Belgrade friends. What helped the most, however, was finally mastering Cyrillic. I love going up to signs and testing myself to see if I can accurately transcribe what is written into latin letters. If you find me in the middle of Trg Republike with my eyes upward and my notebook out writing slowly, that's me trying to figure out a sign on a building. I've also come to peace with the fact that every bus, no matter what time of day, will be PACKED and the driver will drive like a madman. Belgraders on bus number 26 are starting to get used to me carrying around my massive, pink northface backpack which goes wonderfully with my similarly pink northface jacket. Needless to say, my clothing style screams "AMERICAN". I can't help it... I really like Gap and Banana Republic. :-)

My language professor is... well... unique. His name is Nebojsa and he really loves to go on tangents, and trust me, they're not relevant to language study. At first I found it hilarious- he tried to teach us that in order to break into a ferrari in Montenegro (because according to him, that's where the black market is most prevalent), all you need to do is light a few matches and put it under the car. Supposedly, this will activate the automatic unlock system that is in ferraris that is used when a fire is suspected, and voila! I will say, though, that by week two, the tangents were getting to be too much. It's interesting when you spend 10 minutes begging your professor not to call himself a Serb Nationalist because you're concerned about what he's trying to tell you about his political beliefs. Also, bringing up Srebrenica in Belgrade is hard enough as it is, but when your professor brings it up in the context of most of it being a mass exaggeration, it takes a lot of willpower to not get up and smack him. I spent most of that class with my head down, fists clenched, and tears quietly escaping from the corners of my eyes. As you can probably tell, Srebrenica is a soft spot for me because it's symbolic in so many different ways. I'll get to that later.

This second week in Belgrade was spent meeting NGO's, learning about Serbia's rebuilding process after Milosevic, and having amazing lunches with friends. I bought a few things, including a new silk dress, a pair of bright red flats, and a new duffel bag. My Friday night was by far one of the best nights on this trip because it involved going to a very traditional Serbian kafana and then to a bar to listen to a live Serbian band that played both Serbian and American music. Jackpot :-)

This past week has been dedicated to studying and experiencing Bosnia and Hercegovina post-Dayton, which as I have discovered, is becoming less and less pretty. Bosnia is what I would call my "baby"- it's the first place I studied post-conflict transformation in the field, it's the place where I met some of the most inspiring and amazing people on this planet (Love you Vahidin!), and it's the first country to which I felt a natural and significant connection (Je regrette, la France). Its beautiful landscape, hospitable and kind people, and spiritual atmosphere can take a person's breath away. Sadly, this is the reason why it was so difficult for me to realize that BiH (short for Bosnia and Hercegovina) is backtracking, and fast. The political system in BiH is still incredibly strained, and when you look at the formation of it on a sheet of paper, it really isn't hard to see why. BiH is still operating under the political system created by the Dayton Peace Agreement from December of 1995. This peace agreement is, in my opinion, the root of BiH's current problems because of its interpretation by the local people and its incorrect use by the international community. Dayton was a TEMPORARY means to stop overt violence and send the country into a state of negative peace. The fact that Dayton is still being used as not only a means of surviving but also as Bosnia's Constitution (Please tell me who thought it would be a good idea to put an entire country's Constitution in an annex of a peace agreement?!) is ridiculous. Fifteen years later, one starts to wonder- what the hell is going on here?

Enough about politics. I could spend hours talking to anyone about Bosnian politics and leave the conversation having gotten nowhere. Let's instead remark on how amazing Bosnia is culturally- it's hearty, rich, and unique history and cultural influences are what draw me so strongly to this beautiful country. We started our journey first in my favorite town in Bosnia, Sanski Most. This town has a very big personal influence on me because through learning about peacebuilding and reconciliation here last summer, I actually made huge personal leaps in figuring out who I really am and where I fit in in this cruel, crazy, and upside down world. Although we only spent a night there, I'm not worried- Sanski Most will be the location of my Independent Study Project, where I will spend a month in the town conducting research. I have finally picked my broad topic, peacebuilding and reconciliation in Sanski Most, but I now must decide on how I will enter the topic. I could either start from the outside (meaning the town) looking in on the Center for Peacebuilding (the NGO that is most well known in the town for peacebuilding and reconciliation efforts, and also where I will be volunteering for a month) or start from the inside (Center for Peacebuilding) looking out on the town itself. I will probably decide this upon my return to Belgrade in three days. Needless to say, however, I am giddy with excitement about the fact that I will be surrounded by my strong, loving, and inspiring friends in Sanski Most for a whole month :-).

Next, the group traveled to Banja Luka, the unofficial capital of Republika Srpska. We stayed for two nights and met with members of the RS (short for Republika Srpska) Presidency. This meeting was easily one of the most stressful meetings I have ever been a part of. We asked questions that we thought should have been answered, and not only did they not answer some of them directly (which I knew would happen), but they did not answer a couple of the questions AT ALL. Outright refusal. One of those questions was mine- I asked them to remark on their views on Radovan Karadzic. I wanted to know if they thought he was guilty of the charges he has been indicted for in the Hague. Before answering me, all three men laughed. I understand that this is sometimes a nervous habit of people and is not directly connected to their sentiments at the current time, but man did I get angry. As they explained that they would never answer a question like that, I heard a snap and saw a small amount of blood on the side of my finger- I had snapped my mechanical pencil in half on the table. I immediately drew my hand back in embarrassment and found a tissue for my finger, but the damage had been done- they knew exactly how I felt about them, not to mention Karadzic. We were quickly told that our time was up and it was time to go and before I could even think about another thing to say, we were outside holding goodie bags filled with RS pencils and an RS notebook. I learned a very important lesson that morning- a good poker face is one of the most integral tools for a peacebuilder. As Vahidin always says, "I just smile because I'm a peacebuilder." So true.

Now I am in Sarajevo, and have been for the past few days. This is my second favorite city in the world (second only to Washington DC, and only because DC will probably be where I will live for a very big portion of my life) and I remember now why: the smell of cevapi wafting into my window every morning, the sound of the calls to prayer radiating around the town, mosque by mosque, and the beautiful streets and shops in old town Sarajevo cannot be duplicated anywhere in the world. I wander the streets of this beautiful city just merely taking in the centuries of history, the Turkish influence (it's official- I want to go to Istanbul so badly now), and the AMAZING BOSANSKA KAVA. I finally know how to make it so I'm going to every morning while I'm at home this summer. Get ready mom... it's going to be great.

Tomorrow, we leave for Srebrenica, but I will leave that topic for a blog all on its own. I hope you were not bored with my rambling but I wanted to make sure I got everything down in a blog as soon as I could. I miss you all and hope you're doing well on whatever corner of the earth you are blessing with your presence. Peace and love.

Deep Breaths

2010-03-14T12:21:00.002-04:00

My first week in Belgrade definitely passed by faster than any week on this trip. It feels like only yesterday I was waking up to my first Serbian language class and a day full of lectures. Now I have completed my first data collection paper, am in the process of completing my first mini-Independent Study Project, and mastering Cyrillic. I'm about halfway there... I know just enough of the alphabet that I can semi-guess what the street signs say. I will admit, I was extremely worried about being in a big city- from being mugged in Zagreb to knowing I'm not a big city girl, I was convinced I would be miserable while here. I have, however, been proven wrong. Belgrade is alive in so many aspects of the word. The people are helpful (especially when I'm trying to order food or call a cab), the streets are packed full of history, and the city truly never sleeps. The one thing I would like to change, however, is the weather. I can probably count the number of sunny days, TRULY sunny days, on one hand.

Monday was pretty much spent getting oriented with how to get to class, which for me, is about a 25-30 minute commute. I take the 46 bus for 8 stops to a massive junction of streets and bus stops, and then walk for about 10 minutes to the Fakultet (college). I am currently taking my classes in the buildings of a private university in Belgrade that is called the Faculty of Media and Communication. Right now I am continuing my post conflict transformation seminar with the section called "Serbia after Milosevic". To be honest, I really didn't know how Serbia was doing after Milosevic before I arrived here. I was definitely unprepared for the amount of nationalism that still wreaks havoc on Belgrade streets every so often. For example, in September of 2009, the LGBT community in Belgrade attempted to have a Gay Parade, something they had not been able to do since the 2001 Gay Parade that ended in disaster as ultra-nationalist groups attacked the paraders. A few days before the parade was supposed to happen, the Serbian government called it off, stating that they would be unable to protect the paraders from the death threats of ultra nationalist groups around the city. Pretty terrifying, I must admit. We have watched multiple films that visually describe what Belgrade has looked like on multiple occasions when nationalist groups take to the streets. In 2008, after Kosovo declared independence, these groups set the American Embassy on fire. Now I can understand why some people look at me in disgust when I tell them I'm American. Last week, I had two 24 year old men accost me for being American on the bus, stating that I (I think they meant America) bombed their city in 2001 (it was 1999, by the way... just a little tidbit). It took a lot of effort for me to hold my composure while informing them that the group that bombed Belgrade was actually NATO, it occurred in 1999, and that I cannot be blamed for a bombing that occurred when I was merely 10 years old. To them, however, it makes perfect sense to blame me. They are saying these things in protection of Serbia, their home, and I am an outsider. I was lucky to get out of that situation with just a finger in my face and looks of anger. I have on multiple times after that situation considered calling myself a Canadian.

Tuesday was wonderful- we had another drop off for our Field Study Seminar (similar to the one in Zagreb). Claire, Nicole, and I were asked to find different statues and monuments, along with a church and the Parliament buildings on our journey back to class. We had a splendid time, taking pictures to document our trip along the way. We had coffee at a beautiful hotel cafe that, luckily for me, had a non-smoking section! We finished off the day with some shopping and lunch before heading back to class.

Wednesday was TERRIBLE. During the night, snow pummeled the city and the temperature remained at a sub-arctic -5 degrees celsius pretty much all day. A commute that normally takes me 25 minutes took me 1 hour 45 minutes, causing me to miss a meeting and make it to class with 5 minutes to spare. My first bus that came to the station was so packed that it was tipping over, my second bus broke as all the passengers piled in, and my third bus was able to find about 45 minutes of traffic. I probably could have walked there faster. I was pretty miserable and couldn't breathe so right after class, I made my way to the closest bus station and found my way home so I could curl up in bed and read about Bosnia (my go to subject when I'm down in the dumps). Branka made me a massive bowl of soup and worried about me all night. I think I give her a heart attack sometimes with my clothing choices. For example, I left my snow boots in Zagreb. She almost lost it. I definitely trudged around in my jogging sneakers. :-/

Thursday and Friday were pretty free because the group did not end up going to Novi Sad due to the weather. With just one lecture on Thursday and one language class on Friday, my friends and I took that opportunity to have coffee A LOT and have lunch out on Friday. After classes on Friday, my friends and I went shopping, had an amazing dinner, and sat and talked around wine and spirits for about 3 hours. What a night... and Saturday was just as great :-)

Well... this is my last post before Bosnia... AMAZING. I am so overwhelmed with anticipation and joy that I finally get to return to the root of my love of peacebuilding. Bosnia took my breath away last summer, and I have no doubt in my mind that it will do so again. I'm smiling now just thinking about the wonderful moments I had and the amazing people I met; needless to say, I am counting down the days until we leave for Sanski Most- SIX DAYS :-)

Deep breaths. That's all I need for now to get me through.

Хелло Београд!!!

2010-03-07T12:37:00.002-05:00

Zdravo from Beograd, the massive 2 million strong capital of Serbia. It feels like it's 2 million strong too, because as a typical non-city type of girl, I feel crowded all the time. Everything seems to feel bigger and faster in Belgrade than in Zagreb- the buildings are taller, the roads are busier and wider, the buses are terrifyingly quick, and the city itself seems huge. Who knows, maybe I'll grow into it. Like every new city, it will take a while to get used to it.

Classes haven't started yet (tomorrow!) but I'm already bracing myself for the new alphabet- Cyrillic! As of now, I have yet to understand any street sign or bus stop sign but that's alright, my host dad (Vlada) explained it at least 10 times to me yesterday. "Number 26, not 36, not 46, 26. 6 stops, not 1, not 5, 6. You get lost, call. You get scared, call. You ok, ok." He's pretty hilarious. My host mom is a little more intense, which wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't for the fact that she knows hardly any English. We keep not understanding each other and then we exchange a very interesting array of inquisitive glances and eyebrow raises until finally one of us calls out- "Vlada! Pomoć!" (Vlada! Help!) and he comes to translate. Branka (host mom) and I will figure it out... guess I need to just give it time. For now, hourly games of charades will have to suffice.

So... my last week in Zagreb was quite uneventful... we had class, had another Croatian language test (this one didn't go quite as well as the first one), and I said an emotional goodbye (Visnja really didn't want me to go) to my host family. For going away gifts, I bought them liquor filled chocolates, mostly because they made sure I tried over 7 different types of alcohol while I was in their care. Hvala puno! Volim pivo! (Thanks a lot! I love beer!) Their gift to me... a going away cake. What I didn't know was that my host mom was fully planning on packing HALF of the cake in a bag for me to take to Serbia. I am still whittling away at this cake but needless to say, I have been (and am still being) taken care of :-) . Visnja sends me at least 1 e-mail per day and will probably be filled with so many forms of joy when I return for a week in April before my Independent Study Project. She said she is counting down the days. Silly Visnja :-)

Well... I am currently sitting in the only non-smoking cafe in Belgrade, drinking a coffee and compiling notes from my first interview so that I can write my first data collection paper. Yesterday, I had a city tour of Belgrade with the rest of the group and the most eventful part of the trip by far was visiting Tito's grave. In the United States, saying the name "Tito" warrants a negative response merely because Tito is almost synonymous with Communism. Myth. Tito had a lot going for him- charisma, international approval, anti-Stalin, and a very diplomatic and revered leader within his country. I always considered him a pretty bad guy when I was in high school, but I have been proven wrong- he's not so terrible. To tell you the truth, most Yugoslavs loved him (including my Croatian host fam) and from the way they described life in Tito's Yugoslavia, I probably would have loved him too. He did have one major flaw, though- he never prepared for his death. When Tito died, six mini-Tito's in each of the six Republics along with countless others were ready and intent on being the next Tito. This obviously can never end well... and it didn't. By 1991, two Republics jumped ship- Slovenia and Croatia. A terrifying dictator, Slobodan Milosevic, took power with an iron fist, and Yugoslavia plunged into violent warfare. Yikes.

Nonetheless- seeing Tito's grave and all the gifts he received from around the world while President of Yugoslavia was pretty fascinating. I'm glad we went, regardless of the fact that it was (and still is) FREEZING. I was definitely not expecting it to be this cold for so long. Ugh. Now I must return to my work, which is certainly calling my name, and leave soon so that I don't get lost in the dark in Belgrade. No repeats from Zagreb are desired.

Miss you all. Keep in touch <3
Ciao!

Doviđenja, Hrvatska

2010-03-01T17:14:00.002-05:00

So... this is my last week in Zagreb (except for the five days before our Independent Study Projects begin). How did this happen? I feel like I arrived here yesterday. My days are filled with a lot of class (for my friends who are studying abroad... you have it easy) and a lot of reading. I just finished my first paper, which was to write a reflective journal in less than five pages on the breakup of Yugoslavia. I'm not quite sure what came out of that request because at least in my opinion, five pages to describe the breakup of Yugoslavia doesn't seem like a lot of space with which to explain yourself. I even managed to utilize an extended metaphor- Stereotypes can now be represented as old trees. I'm serious. I didn't play around.

Well, let's start from last Monday. This past week was a shorter week due to our field visit to Vukovar. You will hear tons about it in a few paragraphs but just for starters, this is the border city (Serbian border) where the Yugoslav Army invaded Croatia in an attempt to take the town (or in their words, "liberate") from the Croats who were reportedly putting local Serbs from the city in danger with threats and ethnic tension. In three months, ending with the fall of the city on November 18, 1991, the city was shelled, bombed, ripped apart, and finally flattened to the point where 85% of the buildings were completely destroyed. Don't even get me started on the amount of human rights violations that occurred there. We will get back to this later.

So, back to Monday :-). Let's just do Monday through Wednesday. Monday through Wednesday were a mix of language classes, guest lectures, and movies. We listened to an economics lecture (my first one, to tell you the truth) by an American economist who works in Zagreb and lives there with his wife. He actually gave me a side of the story of the fall of Yugoslavia that I had hardly thought about before. He explained how Yugoslavia, like the USSR but not as extreme, was a planned economy. The government had the ultimate control over what money and what businesses went where. While Tito was alive, this economy worked pretty well. In fact, according to our lecturer, many European countries were envious of Yugoslavia's economic success, all the while having hardly any unemployment. It wasn't until Tito died that the federal government realized- "Dangit. We can't do this by ourselves." They tried privatizing a bit, but didn't like giving up the power. They tried having multiple managers for each business, but conflict always arose. Workers began getting more and more ambitious with their strikes, knowing that Yugoslavia would fall flat on its face unless the feds gave them what they wanted (which was usually higher pay). Finally, more economically prosperous Republics like Slovenia and Croatia said "Screw it. We make a ton more money than Macedonia or Montenegro. Why do we have to support them to make sure they don't fail big time?" If you didn't know, in most Communist/Socialist societies, the federal government tried to play the role of "Robin Hood" by taking from richer Republics and giving to the poorer ones, therefore successfully suppressing Republics that were becoming too strong on their own and making sure that no Republic economically failed. This plan is quite brilliant until one Republic gets jealous. In the case of Yugoslavia, the first was Slovenia, then Croatia. And... that's that. Well, not really, but I wanted to prove that I did indeed pay attention in the econ lecture, even though I'm quite terrified of it.

Our second guest lecturer, Professor Puhovski, is a human rights activist and a professor of Political Philosophy (A couple of my friends from Rwanda would have really loved this guy. Seriously.). He spoke to us about his view on why he thought Yugoslavia broke apart so violently. He touched on many things that we have been discussing in great detail over the past few weeks, some of which include history and the use of "ancient hatred" as a tool for violence, national identities and how they often led to extremely scary forms of nationalism, and politics and how Serbia (mostly because of Milosevic) became the ringleader in maintaining Yugoslavia, or at the very least, expanding a greater Serbia. He was brilliant in a very composed, quiet, honest kind of way. You didn't want to move a muscle because he was so intense. He said what he thought without hesitation and that is what made him so interesting. I'm starting to really enjoy our guest lectures.

Okay... Vukovar. Vukovar was actually just as I expected it to be... paused. After the fall of the city in 1991, the city has slowly attempted to reintegrate with both Croats and Serbs and try to rebuild as best as possible but there is only so much paint you can put on a wall, if you know what I mean. There are still many destroyed buildings (I'd say about 1/3 of the buildings look that exact same as 1991 and most buildings that have not received a new face still have bullet holes smashed into them. Luckily, I had the experience of Srebrenica on my side so I knew that this is to be expected. Between property ownership and a general fear of returning to such a historically haunted city has left many of these buildings abandoned. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be able to return to your home when it has either been destroyed or is surrounded by neighbors that abandoned you and/or never talked to you again because you were a different ethnicity. It is hard to put yourself in their shoes because you try to see a similar situation happening in your hometown. I look at my neighbors, all of whom are the kindest people and have always looked out for me as I grew up since age 11, and I would never EVER be able to see them turn against my family in the ways that neighbors turned against each other in these conflicts. I truly have no idea what I would do if something similar happened to my family, or my town, let alone my entire country.

We visited the memorial cemetery where the bodies of over 1,000 Croatian citizens lie. It never ceases to pain me to see so many tombstones and these ones were especially hard because on every tombstone was written "Croatian defender". This frustrated me. Some of these civilians were not out to be protectors of the homeland. Many (I would argue most) of these people were non-combatants, trying to survive through a bloody siege that they wanted to be as far away from as possible. We also visited the Ovcara memorial and mass grave site where 261 medical staff, wounded civilians, and prisoners of war from the hospital in Vukovar were taken, shot, killed, and deposited together outside of the city. Wounded civilians. These two words tore at my heart. They were in pain already and had to hide in the cellar of the hospital because JNA (Yugoslav National Army) forces were shelling the hospital where they sought refuge. One hour prior, I had visited the hospital, where a museum has been created to commemorate the 261 people who stayed in the basement of the hospital while it was bombed. They have kept the basement of the hospital identical to the way it looked during the siege of Vukovar, which is quite haunting in person. I left Vukovar feeling quite similar to the genocide memorials in Srebrenica and Kigali- helpless. Helpless to change history, helpless to fix the fact that my own government stood by and let this happen, and helpless to protect myself from the poisonous cocktail of pain, anger, and remorse that was pulsating through my veins.

Please say a prayer for Vukovar, or if you don't pray, keep Vukovar and its war-torn people in your hearts. Pray/hope for peace in its multiple healing and reconciliatory forms.

Most importantly: pray/hope for love... multi-identity, multi-colored, multi-national, multi-religious love. Love doesn't discriminate. Neither should we. <3

Reality

2010-02-22T06:47:00.003-05:00

Well... I have a feeling one post per week is not going to do this trip justice. So much happens in 7 days; I don't even know where to start.

Last week was filled with language classes, post conflict transformation seminars, and lots of movie-watching. My day normally looks like this:

late-morning/early afternoon- language class
mid-afternoon/late afternoon- post conflict transformation and/or field study seminar
late afternoon- 45 minute commute home
early/late evening- dinner, hanging out with the family, watching some American movie with Croatian subtitles, homework, and bed around 1am.

We usually get about an hour somewhere in between classes to go get lunch quickly. My norm is usually burek (pita) sa meso (with beef) and a cup of soup. If I have a lot of time I'll sit down and eat cevapi (only the best meal EVER... but is made the best in Sarajevo) or a piece of pizza. Something quick but tasty, of course. We normally return to the office, sit with our lunches, and go over our readings for the post conflict seminar. Needless to say, we stay pretty busy during the day.

So... this was our schedule for Monday through Wednesday. Thursday and Friday were different because instead of having class in the afternoon, we watched movies. On Thursday we watched the fascinating documentary series from BBC about the fall of Yugoslavia. It was pretty intriguing because it was filmed in 1996, one year after the end of the Bosnian War and right before the start of the violent Kosovo fighting. It was shocking to see that BBC interviewed Slobodan Milosevic (who, for those who don't know, died while in the Hague a few years afterward) and Radovan Karadzic, the political leader of the war and genocide in Bosnia-Herzegovina. Both of these men, at the time of their interviews, were not yet indicted by the ICTY (International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia) for their leadership and hand in war crimes and genocide so they were still free men. I shook with fury as I watched them make excuses for why they made the decisions they did. It is a very scary thing when people who were responsible for killing thousands of people truly believe that what they did was perfectly fine and necessary for the survival and thriving of a greater Serbia. To tell you the truth, just thinking about it still sends chills down my spine. The second movie we watched was "Tito i Ja" (Tito and Me), which was a little less fascinating but an interesting account of a boy's relationship with Tito during the glory days of Yugoslavia. Both days, I returned home academically fulfilled. That's what I love about what I'm studying- the feeling of satisfaction knowing you have left a class or a movie or an academic experience one step closer to truly understanding a conflict or a culture that is different or disconnected from you in some way. I don't know- maybe it's just another reminder that I have found the right academic path.

Friday evening was rough. Very rough. I decided to try out the Zagreb party scene with some of my friends in my group. We met for drinks at a hotel near my homestay and that was so much fun. The bar we were at had a SPINNING FLOOR. That seems like a great plan... until you get a couple drinks in you. Then... not so much. I'm trying to figure out who thought this would be a good idea for a bar. Nonetheless- a pretty cool experience.

We moved to Aquarius, a club a couple of neighborhoods over. Supposedly, it was one of the best clubs in Zagreb. For some weird reason, this club is a 30 minute walk from the closest tram station. This doesn't seem like a smart idea, but of course we insisted on going. We got there around 12:30 and NO ONE was there. According to one of the other girl's host sisters, clubs don't fill up until at least 1am. That is a bit of a difference from the US. We waited and found this to be true. Unfortunately for me, the asthmatic, this also means that the smoke level increased exponentially. By 2:30, I couldn't breathe very well and I excused myself so I could get some fresh air and some relatively quieter surroundings. I walked about 500 feet away from the club, put my bag down a few feet from me, and called a friend from home. We talked for a few minutes, and I hung up the phone. Suddenly, I was in a nightmare. A hand grabbed my shoulder and I felt the cool sharpness of a knife against the back of my neck. A deep voice was yelling at me (more like a loud whisper) in my ear. All I really understood was sada (now) and kuna (the currency of Croatia) so I took a step forward, pulled out my cash from my zip up wallet, and threw it at his face. I ran for my bag as he got on his knees looking for the money that was now on the ground. I rummaged quickly through my bag and found my house keys. I turned and something inside told me to fight him. Don't ask me why, considering keys were no match for a knife, but I aimed for his eyes and ran at him. I guess the guy wasn't expecting me to fight back, because the second he saw me running at me, he bolted. 700 kunas poorer, I started truly understanding what had just happened- I had been mugged at knifepoint.

I ran into the club, got my friends who were still there, and left immediately. I returned home around 4am, terrified and broke, and curled up in a ball in bed, hoping I was dreaming. I woke up the next morning and realized that I had endured one of the things that I never thought would happen to me. Now, friends, don't worry. I am physically fine. Yes, my mother knows, and no, she is not freaking out. We have come to a consensus, however, that I will now travel with pepper spray. Emotionally I am not the best but this will pass. I have learned from my mistakes and will try and move forward a stronger person.

Weekend was pretty chill considering how I was feeling. I went to choir with my host mom and watched her perform on Sunday. My host family is still super sweet and friendly, but I must admit, after hearing about my Friday night, they are keeping an extra careful eye on me.

That's all for now. I should probably go get some lunch. Week three has begun, and it includes an excursion to Vukovar, a city very terribly hit by the Croatian War. This will be intense, but I will get through it, just like I did in Srebrenica and Nyamata. Miss you all and hope you're doing well.

<3

Ne volim domaću zadaću (I don't like homework)

2010-02-15T17:57:00.003-05:00

I have been in Zagreb for one week and already I'm exhausted! I have had quite a bit of homework over the past few days so keeping up with my blog is already getting difficult. I apologize for the lack of narrative on this post- I promise better posts next week! Let's start with Wednesday...

On Wednesday we had our first field study seminar exercise. What was it called? A "drop off". Does that sound like something easy? Nope. Was it easy? Nope. I, along with two of my new friends, was told to find Samobor, a small town outside of Zagreb. It took about an hour to get to by public transportation and when we got there, our goal was to find certain things and ask people about the town. Problem is... we had only participated in one Croatian class and people outside of the city don't really know English as well and the city-folk. We struggled and really had to push our limits to find our way and not get too lost. However, by the time we got back to Zagreb, we had toured almost the whole town and had a great lunch and boiled wine. Success? I think so.

Thursday was the beginning of my homestay. We were paired up with families that shared our same personality, likes, and dislikes. My match was PERFECT. My host parents are Visnja and Dario and they have three children, all of whom are older than me by more than 5 years. Visnja is as outgoing as me (yes, it's possible!) and sings in three choirs! A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. I have already gone to a rehearsal with her at her Renaissance choir. Singing has definitely helped my Croatian because you don't have time to analyze the letters in each word; instead, you must go for it phonetically and hope for the best. It's quite a fun game once you stop being self-conscious. Dario is also amazing- they are both retired air traffic controllers so their English is quite good. They have traveled all over the world and their living room proves it. They have shown me souvenirs from everywhere from Nigeria to Sri Lanka to Venezuela. Their stories are amazing and leave me praying that someday I can be as traveled as they are. Traveling makes you a different person, not just on a confidence level, but also on an awareness level. It's hard to describe, but every time I travel somewhere else, a little part of me changes. First it was my maturity, then my awareness level, and now I think it may be my pride. It has taken a long time for me to regain my self-confidence and remind myself that I belong and that I deserve a chance to widen my horizons and this family has helped me find that confidence. Visnja is now a phonetics professor and she helps me with my Croatian. It is getting pretty decent if I do say so myself :-). My two host sisters have both come to visit me and they are wonderful. Needless to say, I am thrilled with my homestay. They are so wonderful and treat me like one of their own.

What else have I done since I last wrote... OH! Saturday, the group went on a tour of Zagreb. It was pretty great and we learned a lot about Zagreb history. A special part about the tour was that one of the tour guides was an expert in influential women who lived in Zagreb- not something you get in your average tour. In a group of 9 with 8 being women, this was a must. I really enjoyed being able to see more of Zagreb than the main square, which is where my classes are located. I've also eaten wayyyyyyy more cevapi than I would have expected (four lunches in a row... oh no.). Cevapi and burek are two of my favorite meals in the Balkans. Cevapi is small sausages in pita bread, usually served with onions and I usually eat it with a vegetable sauce. Burek is also called pita, and it is either minced meat or cheese or spinach and cheese inside of a flaky crust. It is to DIE FOR.

Sunday was a great day... the carnival. The group took a 2 hour bus ride to Rijeka, a town on the Adriatic coast. It was beautiful, of course, but also about 10 degrees warmer than Zagreb. Definitely a nice break to say the least and there was no snow AT ALL. Their carnival is very much like a mini-version of Mardi-Gras- everyone wears masks and dresses up in costumes, many of which are extremely politically incorrect. The Wellesley woman in me wanted to be offended but seriously, I couldn't help but laugh. My friends and I consumed lots of Croatian beer and "Kuhano vino" (boiled wine) and pranced around in our masks and face paint. Aside from a minor asthma attack (forgot my inhaler, sorry mom), it was a wonderful day and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Today was lots of work. LOTS of work. My language class is getting more and more intense by the day- today we learned how to ask questions and change the ends of the verbs to match the pronoun it is with. As of right now, the vocab is giving me the hardest time because I simply cannot remember all of it. I am pretty good at the verbs... we'll see about this vocab. Our first day of our post conflict transformation seminar was today and we discussed conflict resolution versus conflict transformation. We had a pretty intense discussion on negative peace as well, considering my interpretation of the term was different from my teacher's. The class definitely got my juices flowing and I look forward to more topic-focused discussion soon. We had a reading by one of my favorite authors, John Paul Lederach, but we didn't really get to him because frankly, we were all exhausted from Rijeka and just didn't have time to ingest the material. Well, better luck tomorrow perhaps.

Well... I need to try and get some sleep. The cats (there are two in my homestay) are being silly so I have to shut the door so they won't ambush me in the middle of the night. Especially the tomcat... he's a bit of a sneak.

Well... until next time- laku noć (goodnight) :-)

Zdravo from Zagreb!

2010-02-08T07:50:00.002-05:00

I'm here! I just made it in about 2 hours ago and already I am feeling the weight of jet lag. You would think I would get used to this after Rwanda but jet lag still floors me to this day. Our group is supposed to be walking around the city this evening but I almost feel like I need some down time so I can sleep off the day and be prepared for day 1 of orientation in the morning.

I want to share a story with you that warmed my heart while I was in the Frankfurt airport. It was about 6am and I was exhausted and probably didn't look very sane. A man came up to me and asked me where I was going. When I answered Zagreb, his eyes lit up and he said to me, "Would you mind if I asked you a favor?" A little concerned, I replied, "Maybe?" and he grinned. He had been traveling for a very long time and had been away from his wife. For Valentine's Day, they were finally going to meet up in Switzerland so they could be together for the holiday. He had created this plan where he was going to ask random people who were going to be in all different countries around the world to send Valentine's cards with a message pre-prepared by him to his wife at the hotel for Valentine's Day. He turned to me and asked if I would do this for him. I was speechless. The love and dedication this man had for the love of his life warmed my heart and I immediately said "Of course I will!" He was so thankful and said how sweet and kind I was and went on his way, leaving me with a blank card and a small message- "Julie- Hugs and kisses on Valentine's Day". That's all. One simple sentence. This five minute interaction with a complete stranger made my day.

Well, I need to find a place where I can exchange my American money for kunas (Croatian currency) and somehow find some time where I can unwind a little. I'm currently staying in a youth hostel, sharing a room with three of my fellow study abroad students. I have pictures of Rwanda with me to remind myself to have strength and keep my head up high. It's times like these when my self-confidence tends to waver. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is where I want to be. This is where I'm meant to be.

I miss and love all of you and beg you to send letters, e-mails, facebook posts, whatever you have time for. I promise to get back to you as soon as humanly possible. You all have a special place in my heart. :-)

Ne razumijem hrvatski (I don't understand Croatian)

2010-02-03T00:37:00.005-05:00

I have been home for the past 10 days, recuperating after not being home since Christmas Eve. I have also been taking a deep breath and shifting from Kinyarwanda to Croatian. Big jump, I know. I need to stop greeting people with "Muraho!" and learn to say "Zdravo!" instead. I try to do two thirty minute lessons of basic Croatian phrases per day and I'm coming to the painful conclusion that my French will in no way help me here like it did in Rwanda. Slavic-based languages are HARD. The little bit of Bosnian I learned while there last summer only did so much... all I could really do was say hello, how are you, goodbye, and I would like coffee with milk. For the people who know me, I did just fine with only those phrases.

The days leading up to my departure are becoming increasingly stressful. Anyone care to inform me how to pack 4 months of clothes and belongings into 2 medium sized suitcases? As a terrible over-packer, I am slightly concerned. Also, this past weekend brought my home state of Virginia a pile of snow. For anyone who knows the south, or Virginia more specifically, we don't handle snow of any kind very well. My area went on lockdown and roads were impassable for about 48 hours. It looks like that same forecast is headed our way this weekend, which is not good considering I fly out of Dulles on Sunday afternoon. Cross your fingers.

I have a special bond with the Balkans. It was the first area I visited to study post-conflict transformation, my first trip by myself across the Atlantic, and the first place where I truly felt the pain of genocide and what it does to a country. While some places will and already have pushed the boundaries on these phenomena, I will always keep Bosnia and Herzegovina near to my heart. Bosnia has become my base to which I can always turn for reassurance that I'm barking up the right tree (academically, of course). Human rights advocacy, post-conflict transformation, and conflict resolution can be sticky situations and can truly test someone's inner strength- I'm lucky to have so many positive and monumental experiences under my belt already so that when I hit an emotional or psychological brick wall, I have the tools to find a way through/around/over it.

Well, this will be my last post before jetting off to Zagreb. I am going to post all of my important info here now so that you can be aware of my contact information and travel schedule.

Here is where I will be in certain areas of the Balkans:

February 8-March 3ish: Croatia (Zagreb homestay, field visit to Vukovar)
March 4ish- March 31: Serbia (Belgrade homestay, field visit to Novi Sad)
March 31-April 7: Bosnia (constant travel, including Sarajevo, Mostar, Sanski Most, and Banja Luka)
April 17-May 17: Independent Study Project in area of choice (My proposal, if approved, will have me working with Vahidin, my mentor from last summer, in Sanski Most with his organization, Center for Peacebuilding)
May 20-22: ISP presentations in Zagreb
May 23: Departure from Zagreb

Here is my address... please note that letters will take at least a week to get to me but I would love to get letters from everyone:

Tyler Branscome
SIT Study Abroad, World Learning
Trg Bana Jelacica 15/IV
Zagreb 10000
Croatia

Wherever I am, they will make sure the letters get to me. :-)

Alright, signing out. Until next time (6 hours later in Zagreb!), doviđenja (goodbye) !

-Tyler

Welcome!

2010-01-18T13:26:00.001-05:00

Hi friends and loved ones -

Welcome to my new blog, where I will be posting once a week about my upcoming travels to the Balkans during my spring semester abroad! I'm so excited that you have decided to come along on this journey with me and I promise to keep you in the loop with everything I am doing. It is going to be quite an adventure and I'm thrilled to be sharing the experience with you. One small note of warning- this is my first blog so I am a newbie. I apologize in advance for my narrative ramblings.

I'm starting this blog 2 weeks before I embark because I feel that it is quite important to discuss the trips that I have taken/am in the the process of taking and their relationship with my study abroad program. I have found a passion for anything conflict resolution related, most specifically, post-conflict transformation. The study and analysis of countries that have ceased overt violence but are struggling in their path to reconcile, forgive, and rebuild is fascinating to me. I found my first love in Bosnia and Herzegovina, a country that has so much to offer but has yet to find the right avenues in which to excel and thrive. I spent 3 weeks there with Global Youth Connect and studied post conflict transformation and peacebuilding. I promptly turned my academic focus at Wellesley to Peace and Justice Studies along with my original Political Science major and have since been surrounding myself with anything involving international diplomacy, conflict resolution, and reconciliation.

As many of you know, I have recently returned from Rwanda, where I studied human rights with one of the most amazing groups of people I have ever met. I have found myself delving into the debate between cultural relativism and universalism and am constantly trying to define the middle ground between these two terms. In my opinion, this middle ground, both in definition and implementation, is the catalyst to positive peace in post-conflict nations. It is a balancing act, to say the least.

Well, enough about that. I'm currently thriving on my passion for political science, having been in Washington DC for a week with the Wellesley Wintersession in Washington program. In the past 5 days I have met with alum who are currently DC Superior Court Judges, alum at the World Bank, and on Friday I shook hands with Justice Sotomayor. Tomorrow is my first White House tour, Wednesday is a tour of the Capitol along with meetings with two representatives, and Thursday is my shadow day with a foreign service worker at the State Department. Phew.

Thank you all for your constant support as I jump around the world, fueled by my newfound academic desires. If you'd like to keep in touch while I am traveling, my two e-mails are tbransco@wellesley.edu and tyler.branscome@gmail.com. The latter will probably be easier for me to check so start there when trying to contact me. I will miss all of you terribly and you will constantly be in my thoughts and prayers. <3>